Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Even though I have completed TPP, I still have this feeling of "waiting" or "hoping" - any insight?

Q: Thank you for the Presence Process. I have experienced it once and it is such a powerful procedure. In addition to the emotional currents of fear, anger and grief, it helped me feel another, until now, unconscious current that I can only describe as a perpetual “waiting” or “hoping”. I don’t know if it is an emotion, because while emotions come and go, it seems to always be there, like a very faint sense of dissatisfaction. It feels like a “pull” that takes me away from the here and now. As you say in TPP, I realize that this “waiting” has been with me since I can remember, and I should know by now (I am 45) that it is pointless. I can even feel it underneath all the spiritual seeking. It’s just another thing to wait for, like many other things were before. One would think that in this shocking realization the waiting would vanish, but except a few moments of hopelessness when it seemed that I was finally “getting it”, there is still always the faintest hope there. I am reaching a point of despair, as I see every day slipping away as a repeat of the previous one, suspecting that there is nothing I can do about it. I cannot even seem to be able to stop trying to do something about it. Or hoping.Can you offer some words of wisdom?

A: This is a great question, and there are two things I'd like to say in response:

Firstly, in the eastern mystic traditions they don't call it "waiting" or "hoping" - they call it longing. I connect with the word "longing" too. I can only speak to you from within my own experience of it and of my own way of interacting with it.
While we are in this world it never goes away. It may become temporarily submerged in the noise of our outer experiences, but this feeling is as constant as the rising and setting of the sun.
For many years it drove me to distraction, because nothing quenches it. Now, I realize nothing in this world is supposed to. I realize it is a resonance which penetrates the fabric of this transient experience that is emitting a signal from something which is permanent. It is not coming from "elsewhere", although while we are in this world, it feels like it does. It is a signal being emitted from our home while we are "elsewhere".

This current experience of ours is, when compared to our home, is perceptually "elsewhere". No matter how much we forget our home, no matter how much we invest in a future here, no matter how much we identify with this world - the reality is we are all visitors. Even if we have been here for millions of life experiences, been Kings and Queens, street sweepers and ditch diggers, we are still visiting. This world is rightly called "the creation", because it was manufactured. It is an artificial environment - like a very hi-tech, 3-dimensional, full-participation, holographic video game. It is so real, it feels real. It is supposed to -otherwise we wouldn't play. It is so real we believe it to be all there is [that is why we call it 'our world'], and so we invest ourselves in it as if it is all that counts.

Yet, when we become quiet enough, or when we are impacted by great trauma, or even for no reason at all, we feel "a sense of longing" - a pang of homesickness that nothing here can and ever will satisfy. Somethings temporarily appear to satisfy this feeling - like a good orgasm - but this sense of satisfaction is only temporary. Nobody only has sex once.

Also, some appear to feel this longing, while others apparently never do. Personally, I think those who staff this creation have this longing switched off so they can do their jobs without becoming introspective. Those who are simply visiting, have the signal on at various intensities - depending on their intended duration of stay.

When we encounter this resonance within ourselves, it may also cause nostalgia and melancholy. Great poets and artists are those swirled up by it. When we react to it unconsciously, we build religions in its honor, bow down to beings who say that can one day deliver us into a place where it no longer emits its signal, and erect great temples as hopeful portals of reentry. Yet, most of this behavior is reactionary. Whenever we go down on our knees and pray to some god as a reaction to this world, instead of as a response to what God is for us, we are reacting to this feeling of longing. Cults are always built by one smart fellow taking advantage of this resonance of longing within others. If these cults become big enough, they get to call themselves "religions", and then have the power to call the other up-n-coming deceivers of people, cults. Yet, all religions, no matter how well entrenched or legitimized by government and business, are cults. And, they all prey upon this inherent feeling of dislocation and dissatisfaction, which is deliberately placed within us upon our entry here.

Becoming aware of this longing is therefore a point of liberation. When we take responsibility for it, instead of mistakenly believing some individual or organization can satisfy its thirst, we free ourselves of all this political, profiteering, and religious manipulation. We realize that all advertising and political speeches are preying upon our belief that our inner longing can be satisfied through some new efficient product, or some re-hashed political promise.

Once we tune into this feeling, our task is to respond to it, and responding to it has absolutely nothing to do with attempting to still its transmission. Instead, when we realize it is a signal from home, we cherish it. It reminds us of the transience of this world. This longing, when internalized, fuels our intent to reconnect with the authentic causality of our Presence. This reconnection intent sets us upon a pathway whose first stop is to integrate the causality of our mistakenly believing we are to make our home here, and our mistakenly placing our allegiance in those who prey upon our inbuilt discontent with this manufactured experience.

Initially, the causality of the quality of our human experience is our childhood emotional imprinting. This imprinting drives our wanting. However, as we commence integrating this point of emotional causality, we gradually reawaken into our authentic point of causality - the vibrational. This longing within us is a signal emanating from within the vibrational realm - our true home - a place which exists before and beyond any elaborately manufactured creation - such as this world is. And so, this is where the paradox arises: We cannot reenter vibrational awareness by trying to go somewhere to get somewhere.

Trying to get somewhere in the midst of a holographic illusion is futile - because no matter how much distance or progress we perceive ourselves making - we still have travelled nowhere in nothing. Becoming famous or glamorously successful in a video game reveals its pointlessness when the machine suddenly gets switched off. "Oh shit, what happened to my bank account?!"

To extract ourselves from this current experience of "elsewhere-ness" and return our awareness homeward requires arrival-mentality - instead of the escape-mentality which all cults prey on and pray for. What we authentically are is so magnificently powerful, and so real, that when we integrate it - when we bring it all into one point of focus - anything which is created [manufactured] is automatically dissolved, revealing in its wake everything which always is , and which cannot be tampered with or altered.

So, the portal for reentry into the vibrational is always available in the present in which we always reside. Our task therefore, is not to react to this feeling of longing by trying to go or get somewhere, but rather to respond to it by showing up fully exactly where we perceive ourselves to be right now. So, that is the first thing I wish to share with you: That this longing is your friend - your ONLY friend - so do not let anyone else attempt to satisfy it for you, or lead you to believe that while in this world, it can or should be removed or eliminated. It is the beacon of authenticity calling you home into yourself - reminding you this is not and never will be your home. However, do not let this realization stop you from being at home while you are here... Yup, the paradox!

The second thing I wish to share in a response to your question is this: We are supposed to be here now. If we are here, it is required. Only we may ever know why, and when we finally enter the awareness empowering us to realize why, this realization likely becomes insignificant and inconsequential.

Being here, without being driven by this longing into mistakenly assuming this worldly experience can satisfy it, is a skill. It is a skill which hinges upon one word, "enough". Right now, I want you to notice something undeniable: You are and have enough. Maybe not for yesterday, or for tomorrow, or for someone else - but within this precise moment - you are and have enough to be. However, you cannot perceive this "enough-ness" unless you are "in this moment".

In each moment we are given exactly what we require for each moment - we are given "enough". However, when we live driven by our wanting, as in this time-based continuum, in which the moment is simply a means to some other end - in which the moment is simply a stepping stone to the fulfilling of some plan we have for ourselves which we believe will bring absolute consistency amidst a world of constant change - then we cannot perceive that "in each moment we have and are enough". So, I recommend you contemplate this word, "enough". Bring yourself into the moment, right here, right now, and realize that right here, right now, for this here and now, you have and are enough.

When we are able to experientially realize what "being and having enough in the moment" implies - we stop trying to use this world to get, get, get. Instead, our time here becomes about opportunities to give. In my life this realization of "enough-ness" was the turning point which empowered me to become of service - to place my full attention upon tasks, like this answering of your email, for which I do not get paid - for which there is no boss to check in with. I get up each day and go to work, and just about everything I do each day is not on anyone's clock. And, I do not do this in hopes it will accomplish anything other than allow me to leave a legacy which polishes the only gem I treasure - my integrity. However, I am only able to approach my life this way - an approach I have now lived by for many years - because I realized what the meaning of "enough" is - and, because I also know this world is not my home.

I am a visitor here. I am like a guest in a very elaborate hotel. I am not here to tell the staff how to do their business or to get a fulltime job at the reception desk. Of course, I may moan and groan about the hotel's service - but that is my right as a guest. Not that anyone pays any attention to my gripes. So, being a guest, I am not going to rearrange the furniture in my room more than is required to complement my current required activity. Nor am I going to check out after my stay with the capacity or intent to carry any of the furniture out with me. It belongs to the hotel - and quite frankly - I have no desire to furnish my real home with this hotel furniture! None of what is here belongs to me or is mine to own. I am already enough without it.

However, nor am I going to run from the hotel because I realize it is not my home. Going home is inevitable and unfolds when required. I trust this implicitly. Making it happen is not my business. Do I miss home? Of course. Do I know exactly what it is I am missing? I haven't a cooking clue. Yet, within me there is a signal beacon emanating a melancholic resonance which keeps me from mistakenly identifying with the hotel and the staff as being something permanent. How do I know what I am supposed to do while here? Only the moment reveals what is required, because what is required happens - and so I respond to this in each moment as best as I am able.

It is a very strange, paradoxical, 3D, holographic, full-participation, completely hands-on creation to be immersed in. What a wonderful and simultaneously horrific experience! Many years ago I realized all my efforts to "get out of it", whether via substance use or religious fervor - simply led me further into amazement [what is meant to be a maze] and away from myself. Now, I know in the deepest recesses of my being that the only way out is in - is showing up in this experience as fully as I have the capacity to muster.

Of course, in each moment I fail hopelessly at this intent. But, my failing does not ever nullify the intent. So, yes, I too feel "the longing". But I do not try to satisfy it - I instead celebrate the beautiful agony of it. I allow it to remind me daily to spend some time pointing myself homeward - onward, inward, and upward. I approach the vibrational consciously each day. And even within this endeavor, I am no longer fanatical. I approach this task with as much significance and intensity as I do brushing my teeth. My approach to the vibrational is part of my daily routine [route in]. While here I am in approach - not to guarantee arrival [because I never really left] - but because I love my home with all my heart. Because this aspect of my experience is taken care of unconditionally - I am then free, while here, to participate as fully as I am capable. And, this participation arises from within a realization that, in each moment, I am, and have, enough.
Knowing this, I am less likely to be manipulated or to manipulate. Knowing each moment is full of "enough-ness" allows me to be with this experience without condition. And, so far, so good. And not. This is why my only prayer is, "Thank you", and why my only truth is, "If this is happening, this is required, and therefore valid, so let me respond as best as I am able." [Everything else is an elaborate story.] Then, I get on with it, and fall, and get up again, and fall again, and make sure that as I repeatedly dust myself off, I am also having a good laugh at the fact I can go through life thinking I actually know what's going on, when in fact I do not have a cooking clue.

After all, when the machine is switched off - which happens cyclically for repairs, upgrades, and maintenance - the whole spectacle reveals itself as not being that important - or that serious. So, we lost and gained a few lives. So what. There are billions upon billions of these games being played - and it is more than likely we are playing many of them simultaneoulsy. Being a homesick game-player is not a problem - it is a blessing. Onward, inward, and upward then. Game-on.