Q: I have completed the Presence Process for the 2nd time and, although I have moments, even days of feeling thankful and close to the presence around me and in me, I still wake around 2 am in intense fear of some unknown horror in the future. “Hellish” thoughts of death and illness and poverty, along with a feeling of being victimized by intense hatred last until around 4 am and then go like a thunder and lightning storm that passes by and leaves peace in its wake. I have assumed it has its cause in the fundamentalist religion I was raised in, but would like your input.
A: We live in a moment of great integration. We have imprinting that is multi-layered beyond our current mental comprehension. We live on a planet that has hosted millions upon millions of civilizations, which have all risen and fallen. We live in a solar system that goes through cycles of creation and devastation so vast, our poor mental body cannot begin to fathom. Some of us have been here through it all, just as some of us are temporary visitors. Now, we yet again move through the ending and beginning of another great cycle. Yet, in of itself, it is a blinking of an eye. As we do so, we are offered great opportunities to integrate. Integration is the key to evolutions doorway.
Those of us hypnotically paralysed by our past [all of us] believe we are here to earn a living, boost our bank accounts, become somebody of importance, bring world peace, and other such pointless but entertaining endeavors. Our destination-mentality, and hence, the mortality-consciousness this mentality propagates, causes us to repeatedly shoot ourselves in the foot - and then we moan about our limp. We grasp at whatever comes our way as a means to feel better, to get what we want, and to satisfy the charged emotions of our generational imprinting. We cannot discern between what we want and what is now required. While we function in this manner, we miss the bigger picture - an opportunity to integrate the fear, anger, and grief causing us to continually re-manufacture experiences in which we suffer.
The Presence Process is not like The Secret or any technology wielding concepts like The Law Of Attraction for personal gratification. It is not another metaphysically-drive slight of hand convincing us we can have exactly what our unintegrated emotional content drives us towards. It is not designed to deliver unto us a brand new car, great job, perfect partner, and to convince us that "an unlimited universe means we can keep raping this planet just to get our rocks off". This procedure is to initiate and support integration, to clean the vessel of our awareness so it has the opportunity and capacity to open to, arrive at, move through, and jettison beyond the current opening of the portal into vibrational consciousness. This portal is here, now. It is always "here", "now". Its just that because of our evolutionary development we only now have the capacity to perceive and hence realize it. The portal into vibrational consciousness is "this, here, now" - not "that, there, then". This portal is only accessible within this moment - within the present. To enter it we are required to be present.
As we continue to consciously approach the resonance of the present moment we are faced with all that is keeping our attention stretched out and fragmented in time-based mentality. We thus face the unintegrated experiences of our childhood, received from our parents, with our lovers, through our religions, politics, and many, many other levels of developmental experience we have moved through to arrive in this moment. There is horror in it all just as there is love in it all. We have all experienced massive apocalyptic cataclysm and been traumatized by being run over by sudden shifts for which we were not ready. We have seen everything and everyone we love seemingly destroyed, drowned, burned, and murdered in cold blood. This is the fabric of our past - not our future. This is what we are now called to integrate.
Yet, while we remain unintegrated, then as we approach the portal of this moment, these unintegrated memories are what guard the entry to the portal. They say, "While you believe in us more than the promise of what you truly are, then we stand between you and this realization. You must pass through us to know we are not real, or run from us back into the illusions which inspire more experiences just like us."
As we approach the portal of the present moment, we all project our apocalyptic mayhem upon its entrance. This is how we know we have arrived at the entrance of the portal - because we simultaneously arrive at an experience mirroring our unresolved horrors. It gazes upon us as a future possibility - yet, it is an echo of the past. Many shall be driven by their unintegrated horror into actions which are self-destructive, and hence lose their physical vehicle. Fewer shall realize the cinematic illusion of it all and keep moving forward in spite of the dire warnings of impending cataclysm. The only way to enter the heart - the portal through which we awaken beyond the horrors of the past - is to gaze directly into the eyes of this monster, and to be with it through felt-perception without condition. Feel it all. It cannot kill what cannot die - it can only destroy what has no substance.
So, in the early hours of the morning, when the doorway of the portal awakens you from your desire to "sleep it off" - get up - and approach the vibrational consciously. Sit quietly in the midst of the horror and know it is not the future, unless you act as if it is. It already happened. We already died many, many times. The only death required now is to die to this idea of dying. This planet is a way-station for dead people who have not yet processed their experience of living in time - who have not yet integrated their past so they may arrive consciously into the kingdom of the awakened. This moment upon planet earth is an accentuated opportunity for all seeking to catch the next train inward by integrating the horror, and to receive our divine inheritance as conscious co-creators of unlimited possibility.
So, instead of tossing and turning and blaming your fundamentalist religious past for you not being able to "sleep it off", rather arise and spend this time focused upon the vibrational certainty which is your birthright. The only way through is through. Onward, inward, and upward.