Q: I have done the process 3 times now, read all that is on your site and saw you in California. And, I still require something that I do not understand or get. My partner left me after a 16 month affair. She left many things at our home we built together, she will not pay the mortgage, she left her 15 year old cats and I care for them, she comes by 4-5 times a week, we do things together, she has just lost her job. She says she loves me, she says loving things to me, tells me not to ask her to come home , it is okay to tell her I love her , want her back but this seems not about her so much as I cannot figure out how to get me back?? Could you suggest what direction to go, please?
A: The only reason we can make a statement like "I'm stuck", or ask a question like this one, is because we are not yet able to discern between "a want" and "a requirement". Let me assist you with definition.
"A want" is something that is not happening. We want it to happen, but it doesn't. We get upset because it doesn't. We get upset or set up because our "wants" are arising out of an unintegrated emotional charge. Whatever we are wanting is whatever we believe will satisfy the insatiable hunger of our unintegrated emotional charge. Because this hunger is insatiable - because feeding an emotional charge only maintains it, as opposed to bringing it to resolution - whenever we receive our wants they only lead us to want something else.
"A requirement" happens. This is how we recognize a requirement. If it is happening, it is a requirement. We do not want requirements. We do not expect requirements. We do not appreciate requirements. While we remain emotionally unintegrated, our requirements appear as things that get in the way of us achieving our wants. Only the emotionally mature are able to live life through responding to requirements.
Attempting to feed and satisfy our wants leads to personal and collective drama and depression. Attempting to satisfy our wants leads to raping the earth, manipulating those we profess to love, and behaving as if we are separate from the rest of the universe. Our wants, and us trying to satisfy them, are the causal point of the current world economic recession. They are the causal point of war, whether through politics, priesthood, or profiteers. If we ignored our wants - priests, politicians, and profiteers would be the only ones in recession. "The American Dream" is a disguised way of saying, "This is a country in which everyone can have exactly whatever they want". And, so, as the rest of the world blindly follows "the American way" the consequential collective nightmare awakens. Imagine exchanging "The Pursuit of Happiness" for "The Realization of Joy", or "The American Dream" for "The American Vision" - what a shift in intent. This is the same sort of shift we require within ourselves - from frantically feeding our wanting, to calmly recognizing and embracing what is required of us.
Embracing what is required by responding to what is happening as if what is happening is valid leads to emotional growth and integration. It leads to individual and collective evolution. All requirements are overseen and delivered into our individual and collective experience by the universe. They are what are required for our evolution. If we insist on only navigating our experiences according to our wants - then invariably what is required is immense suffering - suffering intended to awaken us to the reality that chasing only our wants is self-destructive.
Our wants are not required.
Responding to requirement leads to personal and collective evolution - to harmony, integration, and our functioning as if we are part of everything. Through responding to what is required we move in flow with The Giver - through trying to feed our wants we move in flow with the dictates of a distorted energetic pattern within our emotional body.
Responding to requirement leads to presence and present moment awareness. The Presence Process is not about "getting our wants fulfilled" - it is about opening us to receiving what we require - to receive what is already being given to us in each moment of our unfolding experience.
You say you have read everything on the website? Really. Where you reading it as a means to find our how you can use this work to get what you want - to get you companion back? Such intent delivers us into frustration and neutralizes any benefit this work offers. It's a bit like reading The Presence Process and then trying to figure out how we can make money out of selling its presented insights.
Yes, as you write, you have completed The Presence Process three times. Yes, as you have written, there is something you are "not yet getting". Join the rest of the economic community trying to provoke recovery of the economy so they can continue to live as if they can have exactly what they want when they want it.
My recommendation is you shift from trying to get something [feeding your wants] into being open to receiving something [what is required]. Your life, as it is right now, is exactly what is required. How do I know this? Because it is happening. What you want of it is simply "a want". How do I know this? Because it is not happening.
It doesn't matter if you do The Presence Process 1000 X 1000 times - if you cannot yet receive your life experience as valid - and respond to it as if required - you remain what we call "stuck". You are like a child sitting in the middle of a playground whining about not having the sweeties you want, when all around you are swings, whirly-go-rounds, and other kids to play with. However, you cannot see any of this because all you can see is what your unintegrated emotional signature cries for.
The Presence Process is a guide toward "growing up". However, it cannot grow you up for you. You have to take the actions to grow you up for you. Growing up commences and accelerates the moment we discern between our "wants" and "requirements", and when we then respond accordingly.
The deeper response is to engage through felt-perception with the emotional signature which arises whenever you cannot get what you want. This is the causality of you not being able to receive what is required. Being with this emotional signature without condition empowers you to transition from trying to get what you want to willingly and gratefully receiving what you require.
I am sure your companion does not want to be in a relationship with a whining child who is obsessing over not having sweeties. Grow youself up. Embrace every aspect of your life exactly as it is unfolding now as a requirement for your growth. Respond to it accordingly. This responsive approach is what leads us into the rest of the playground. The kids on the swings don't like to hang out with whiners [wanters]. They wanna play on the playground with players. Now is the dawning of the age of "the players". All the whiners and wanters are being laid off.
I am sure if you grow up a little and respond, instead of reacting, to your life experience, your companion's behavior shall shift. She may return, or she may leave you altogether - either way, you won't perceive yourself as stuck anymore. Stop wanting her.
Peace, joy, and a day full of play comes from knowing a simple little secret: Want only what is required. If humanity does not real eyes the difference between "a want" and "a requirement" REALLY SOON - we can kiss our arses goodbye - individually and collectively. Making this discernment is what elevates a species.
