Q: I don’t understand the process or Alchemy. After listening to your audio's and following the alchemy work for 40 days, it’s been around 30 days, inconsistently. I don’t get that everything I do keeps getting worse, no matter what it is, everything keeps back firing, from small things to major things, I am at a point where I just want to end it, I can not see a way out of this constant misery, loneliness and pain, if I wasn’t so cowardly and afraid I would just end it. What is the point of this? I know my parents were dreadful, I know my childhood was terrible and full of abuse, why have I got to relive everything? And why it is everything I do or try just goes wrong, please don’t say, “read my work”, I already have many times.
A: Your "lack of consistency" is a clue that whatever you are up to is not assisting you to impact your predicament causally. Have you completed The Presence Process experientially? If so, and you are still not clear on what any of this is about, then this work is obviously not for you. Seek elsewhere.
Sometimes our predicament is such that we first require an active release modality before we are able to engage in resolution response. I recommend you contact Judith Kravitz firstname.lastname@example.org at The Transformational Breath Foundation http://www.transformationalbreathing.com/ and ask her to recommend a facilitator in this modality who lives close to you. Through facilitated Transformational Breathwork we are able to efficiently release our pent-up fear, anger, and grief in an accelerated manner empowering us to calm down sufficiently so that we are then able to approach resolution/containment work. It is obvious you are in a very uncomfortable state - and sometimes - while in this "point of you" - a more intense, personally-facilitated approach is beneficial.
Unless we enter this work experientially - there is no authentic progress. This is why I ask if you have actually gone through The Presence Process experientially? Listening to the audios and reading the writings on the website when not entering this work at its causal point - which is The Presence Process - is like standing on the sidelines of a game. We accomplish little on the sideline other than shouting and waving our arms around. Doing some of the given procedures on website, when we have not yet completed The Presence Process experientially, is like training for a game that we are not actually playing. It is frustrating. The game is The Presence Process - everything else on the website supports this causal point.
This is why a structured experiential vehicle like The Presence Process is available - so we have a tangible way of "getting into the game". Unless we get into the game we remain spectators - and this is extremely frustrating - even if we are diligently "working out" via applying the different procedures shared to support The Presence Process.
Sometimes we are afraid to even step onto the field and this makes us angry at the game. The game is what we make of it - but we have to enter it to know this. Your "understanding" about alchemy, or any of this, cannot help you if you have not taken the time to experientially explore the roots out of which this particular alchemy plant grows.