Monday, June 29, 2009

This is what happens when I am breathing...

Q: During tonight's CB I started feeling grief, deep sadness connected to not being able to make my voice do what I want it to....not having the power to change what was happening to me in my childhood...not being able to make it be what I want it to be. My breathing turned into a moan, not stuck in my throat but coming through my nose and resonating in my cheek bones - what I'm trying to feel in singing and what I can't do singing, which is humming. But, the moan is low and I felt the child sound wanting to come through me and that's what's stuck in me, the higher sound of the child's moans and cries. The bridge of my voice is where I'm stuck - moving into the higher sounds. I did make a jerking sound higher which felt more like the angry if I were stamping my feet and making that sound. And when I make that higher sound, my larynx jumps up closing off the air so I'm not open emotionally, either. The rhythm of the inbreath and outbreath brings up these deep emotional feelings. Also, I'm alternating between moving into these deep places and numbing out, avoiding them. Any comment from you would be welcome.

A: Your experience is valid.